eid adha mubarak

november rain """"""""""""""

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I'm sorry for not loving you enough
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I'm sorry that I hurt you
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I'm sorry that I lied
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I'm Sorry for everything I put you through
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I'm sorry for everything
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I'm sorry I made you cry
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I'm sorry I want you back
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Because I know I can't expect you to forgive me
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But do know this
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I love you and I'm sorry
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gunting dalam lipatan

i had a long conversation with en.zacq dicussing about the meaning of **thorn among the roses**.... very interesting point to talk about and dig it. walaupun kerja i bukan nya seorg guru en.zacq ni sering beri i task yg agak mncabar minda to explore...

peribahasa orang dulu kala bermaksud, sesuatu perbuatan yang tidak baik yang boleh menyakiti orang lain, tersembunyi di sebalik suatu yang kita tak boleh nampak. adakalanya di kalangan sahabat kita terlindung sesuatu agenda yg boleh menjatuh kan diri kita akn berlaku jika bukan skrg tpi juga pada masa akn datang. ironi nya, kita kena berhati-hati dengan setiap persahabatan yang kita jalinkan supaya tidak menyesal di kemudian hari....

anyway,,
life is a challenge. no matter how privileged, successful, rich, thin, pampered, admired, or beloved we are, some days are better than others. we hit walls we can't dig under or climb over. we get the flu and barf until we wish we could die, or break a leg, or get told that we have a horrible medical condition that will shorten our life and reduce its quality. people we trust betray us. friends and family members go or die without our permission...

what u believe in will always be tested, and usually when the test comes, u will think that u were prepared, but most often times, it hits u in the depths of ur life in places that u were never prepared for! Then it is sink or swim, and if u don't know who u are, and have a faith that will endure the fires and trials that come, u will be left completely devastated, questioning everything u thought that u knew...

sometimes, u will have to make choices that u don't want to make. in fact, they may make u feel like u are going to die inside if u have to sacrifice certain things that are holding u back from reaching ur destiny and are only working to control u and keep u in a place that u were never intended to be. it is in those times, where the "dross" from the fire will be skimmed off of ur life and u will be a pure vessel that becomes priceless. u are a great treasure, don't ever let anyone convince u otherwise!

just remember that no matter how painful the season, and no matter how great the loss may appear, u will never know what is waiting for u just beyond this trial if u don't push through it. u might run, walk, or crawl through what u are going through, but just don't look back and don't stop! u can do everything that u need to do, and God will place the people in ur life who have the resources to make great things happen in ur life right now... if u only believe and make a decision that no matter how u feel, u will not turn back !!

...........Ku Mohon,

Setiap hari ku mohon

Agar Kau sentiasa

Memberiku ketenangan dalam hati...kekuatan

Menempuh segala dugaan yang mencabar ini

Pasti punya ertinya Engkau beriku harapan

Menjawab segala persoalan

Hadapi semua dengan tenang

Dengan merasa kesyukuran Ku doa Kau selalu

Mengawasai gerak-geriku

Berkatilah ku penuh rahmat dari Mu

Oh Tuhan terangkan hati dalam sanubariku

Oh Tuhan ku berserah segalanya kepadamu

Agar jiwaku tenang dengan bimbingan Mu selalu

Ada kalanya ku merasa hidup ini seperti kaca

Jikalau tidak bersabar

Hancur berderailah akhirnya

Tabahkanlah hatikuMelalui semua itu...

Ooh...Kuatkanlah

Cekalkanlah diriku

Curahkanlah nikmat Mu pada hidupku

Ya, hidup kita didunia mmg bukan lama. Tidak kita tahu entah bila datangnya ajal, tidak kita tahu untung nasib kita esok lusa, tidak kita tahu takdir yang bakal menjelma. Apa yg pasti, diri ini akan tetap terima segalanya dengan redha. Bagaimana cara yg akan diri ini terima hanyalah tuan punya diri mengetahuinya. Perasaan sedih, kecewa, gembira, cinta etc etc etc biarlah diri & hati ini sahaja yg tahu. Harap-harap dapat menutupi segala kelemahan diri dari kelihatan. Memadailah hanya Tuhan Yg Maha Esa Maha SegalaNya mengetahui tentang hambaNya ini. As good as it get, dapatlah diri ini menerima dengan positif. Jika itu sudah jalan yg telah ditetapkan utk diri, Insyaallah akn ku terima walaupun langkah yg longlai dan lemah.

.....duhai sayang,

menangis lah wahai syg,
menangis lah sepuas hatimu,
menangis lah duhai syg,
daku tahu kepiluanmu,
menangis lah intan,
luahkan lara hatimu,
menangis lah duhai syg,
hati mu sendu tiada siapa yg tahu........

i'll hv failed as a wifey (someday) if :

~ my hubby (someday) doesn't consider himself lucky to hv found & kept me

~ i dont write a love poem for him at least once a year

~ i cant make him smile & roll his eyes at my jokes

~ he is ever truly tempted to stray

~ he ever joined the chorus of da desperate hsewives that sit around cmplaining about their husband

~ my hubby ever questions my love & devotion to our children..

medication kit

first & foremost guys & gals

who is knowing well, pls apologize me due of my ignorance.
so many people close to me, who love me & have seen me go mad, would credit my progress to medication. i am more even now, less insane. i don’t self harm. i still experience to accepting what was happened to me.

i think i’m a far stronger & more capable person now than i’ve ever been. i sometimes feel like i can withstand anything & i’m not a hysterical mess who falls apart at the drop of a hat. i do deal with this, i don’t idle along on the path of self destruction. But…
yada yada yada ...................,


i want to stop taking my medication (i wish i could). i don’t know how i’d ever learn to join the mortal world in natural sleep but i feel (or don’t, as it happens) that i’m anaesthetising myself. i hardly even argue anymore. i used to argue all the time (ehiiiiks, gilo). i wonder if i am becoming one of those repressed worker, whose hate or hurt or any antisocial emotion only comes out when sober & the loosening of the tongue with valium, to a dead sleep and regretful waking (mcm zombie laah pula nanti, nyeh nyeh nyehhh).


if i am naturally mad (and i don’t mind being mad- i fear being crazy), then what is so wrong with that? i am furious i don’t have enough control over my moods to just live with it (tak kan laah jadi gilo).

sometimes, i just crave the freedom to go mad. i wish it just didn’t hurt people when i did. i wish i could be one of those types of brilliant mad people- the oft cited, yet always less mad than the people we know, the “a little bit mad”, acceptably mad ones. Eccentrics, they’d call them. i wish i could have a dial in me that i could set to “stop” when i needed to, naturally, not just “stop”, full stop. it is crap wondering if you’ll have to be on medication for something you thought was part of your personality for the probable rest of your life when you’re twenty nine. i don’t feel like i can win either way (ya ALLAH ya TUHANKU, insyaallah im ok dan sihat spt sediakala, AMIIIIIIIIIIIIIN)

oowwh ubat really make me s*** like hell and mad mad.....

beri ruang dan darjatkan cinta kita,

"tapi buat kerana u mahu buat"
"jangn buat kerana orang minta u buat"
"mesti tegas wlaupn u lmbut"
"ketiadaan i"
"good news and best chnce pada yg brkaitn"
"u tahu kh implikasi isu ini"
"u sedar kh apa yg sedang trjejas"
"bila kita sndiri tk tahu berapa lama masa yg kita ada"
"brbaloi kh"
"biar lh dengn rela"
"i nk minta tolong, boleh kh"
"tolong beri ruang and darjat
pada cinta kita"
"cari i in u"
"take ur time.. hnest wth urslf"
"satu kn kmbali rindu kita"

Sayang,
Yes I will do that. Untuk selamatkan keharmonian cinta I pada U.

this & that

Warm Greetings to you and welcome to my personal blog. I intend to post and share lots of thing here and interesting topic. Some of it is from my life, my world, my thought, just random scribbles to blog it. Please do browse in any post and comment on it if you find interesting.

With this, I would like to welcome you all to my personal blog.